i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
