So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
