from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He did a backflip because drugs
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
