Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
