Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
