After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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