I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this will be a night to untag.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
