Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
