So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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