Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
