Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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