This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
