Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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