didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
