i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
