LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
