YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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