I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
