I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my sisters under your porch take her home
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
