Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
