I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
