the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
