dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
