I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
