I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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