you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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