Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
