please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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