I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
