I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
