I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
