that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
