Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She needs sedatives and a leash
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
