Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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