i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
