just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
