and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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