i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
