it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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