Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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