With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sext me about skeletons
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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