so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
