Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
