if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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