Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
