yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
