ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
