You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
