I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
