i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
found the other keg... it's in the tree
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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