hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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