Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i will never coherently bang her
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
