so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
