a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
