Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
