Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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