Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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