So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
