he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
