He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
