I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
