I skipped work to stalk him.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I pour the whiskey from now on
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
